


Wicked Game

by WandaHoya



Series: That Grin of His [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Kissing, Misunderstandings, One-Sided Attraction, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Sirius Black (mentioned) - Freeform, mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28010130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaHoya/pseuds/WandaHoya
Summary: A debate on fear and desire.The world was on fire. Tonks tried to press herself tighter against Remus, pushing her hips against his, wrapping her feet around his."We are going to die."Nymphadora Tonks is obsessed with Remus Lupin. It was cute at first. Now it’s not.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Series: That Grin of His [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1258409
Kudos: 10





	Wicked Game

**Author's Note:**

> The story continues, at last! I hope you find it worth of the waiting, the plot thickens and something is FINALLY happening between them.
> 
> The title, inspiration and some quotes are taken from the song Wicked Game, the version by HIM. See the end notes for the links to the lyrics and to the song.

The world was on fire. Tonks pressed herself tighter against Remus; grinded her hips against his, wrapped her legs around him. A loud explosion, a flash of green, a burst of curses, a wheezing and banging stream of miscellaneous spells and hexes, all molded into a massive chaos that cradled them in the middle of it all. The noise was deafening and the air was thick with dirt and smoke. The reek of dark magic was overwhelming, making her feel nauseous. 

Tonks held her arms around Remus. Remus was covering her with his body as they laid on the cold concrete floor of the forlorn barn they had been trapped into. The weight of his body on hers comforted her.  
Hold me, love me, take me, save me, she prayed silently in her mind as she was helplessly clawing the back of his cloak with her leather gloved hands like it would bring them any closer together. She was scared, and she knew he was fearing for their lives too. His hot breath hit her sweaty neck rapidly as he seemed to be panting like he was out of breath. They both knew they were going to die.  
“We are going to die,” Remus whispered frantically, his lips right close to her ear as another angry flash of green glinted next to them, indicating they had been missed hardly. Somewhere near something exploded and more dirt fell on them and their cries of shock melted into one joined howl. 

They had been ambushed and besieged by Death Eaters and a routine stake out duty had gone awry wrong. Now they were clinging on to their lives with no plan of escape or any idea how to survive. Remus had lost his wand in the early stages of the battle and at this point Tonks evaluated using her wand would give them away for the Death Eaters. They didn’t have any clue how many Death Eaters they were facing. It could be only one or it could be tens of them. The barn had proven to be spellbound making it impossible to apparate, and Tonks was suspecting they had been lured into it on purpose. They were doomed. 

We are not ready to die, Tonks tried to stir up some kind of kindle inside her but all it invoked was more fear. Fear of losing the war. Fear of the terrible new world. Fear of never sharing her true feelings with Lupin.  
“I love you!” She shrieked, right in his ear as an orange bolt went past them. The time for vague hints, guessing games and childish flirting was over. It was now or never. They might be dead in the next second.  
Remus didn’t answer. He was laying completely still on top of her. She jerked her head further away from him while lifting his head as much as she could to be able to find his eyes. His face was pale, eyes hollow like nobody was home. She knew she wasn’t any prettier sight with her tear-striped cheeks and panic-filled eyes.  
“I love you, Remus.”

Another blast exploded, right over their head. Remus pressed tighter against her and his lips lunged towards hers, hard, engaging them in a heated kiss. Remus’ bold gesture took Tonks completely by surprise, but she tried to surrender to the kiss the best she could. It almost felt like something was holding her back, preventing her from devouring the moment with the appetite her starving heart was having. She had imagined them kissing plenty of times; in different situations, with different feelings, in different positions. Always differently. Yet this didn’t remind any of the times. The air was so thick with the traces of dark, strong magic that it was affecting her senses. She couldn’t dwell on how he tasted. But all the feelings she could feel; she suddenly felt accomplished, but the fear of losing Remus grew even bigger. So big that it was almost unbearable to carry. 

It wasn’t a shy, probing kiss, but it wasn’t an owning or lusting kiss either. It was a tragic kiss and there was something fatal about it. Somewhere in the back of her head she knew that the great universum had sealed their destiny right at that very moment, and they wouldn't be able to turn and go back from that path. For a second Tonks shivered as she realized they were about to end their lives there, tangled together on the cold, dusty floor of a forsaken hovel. She answered to her mental notion by pushing her tongue aggressively against his, like she shouldn’t hold back anything anymore. 

It was the perfect kiss and it was the perfect way Tonks wanted to leave this world. She didn’t fear the afterlife if they would enter it together. Would that be the afterlife, just the two of them in the midst of chaos, lips locked for eternity. In life she wouldn’t bear the thought of living without him, but she would follow Remus to death. The thought gave her odd consolation. A surprising peace even though the world around them kept on being destroyed.

Remus suddenly parted from the kiss and retreated, extending his arms and letting distance between them. He watched her, his brows furrowed. He had gotten some life back in his eyes that had been staring at her empty and hollow only a minute ago. She smiled at him, hoping her sunny laughter would encourage Remus too. She wasn’t afraid anymore, she felt light and airy. Determined. She tried to pull him back down for another kiss but he refused. Suddenly she realized it was silent. It appeared they were alone.  
“I think they’re gone,” Remus whispered almost completely without a voice, not moving. Tonks tried again to pull him back down, suddenly feeling exposed without the weight of his body on her. After a long moment Remus relaxed and yielded to her pull.  
“You okay?” he asked, just before their lips would have touched.  
“Yes, Remus. Thanks to you. You saved me, covered me. I love you,” she blurted out quickly, just to get it out of her chest and to get back kissing him. She reached her neck to have another kiss with him. A realization that they might live after all crept slowly on Tonks’ mind. It made her so happy she felt like she wanted to get up and dance around, just to celebrate. 

But to her astonishment Remus withdrew before their lips had even the chance to brush each other.  
“We need to leave. Now.”  
He was a man of duty. Always duty first. He tried to get up but Tonks held him down firmly.  
“Remus, we live! We can have one more kiss first, as a celebration,” she chuckled, looking at him and smiling dreamily. She let her glance hit his gold brown mess of hair, her hand following her eyes to gently stroke it. A vivid image flashed through her mind, about the two of them making love in the mornings, too engrossed with each other to get out of the bed. She let her hand wander down along his scarred cheek, imagining all the scars and marks she could discover at nights after their work would be done. But her mood changed as she lifted her eyes at Remus' and saw the amber glance filling with sadness.  
“What’s wrong Remus? We--”  
He shook his head, turning his glance away.  
“Nymphadora...no. I can’t.”

A silence followed. Tonks tried to comprehend what had just happened.  
Regret? Repulse? Remorse?  
“Don’t call me that,” she snapped, clinging on to the one part she knew how she wanted to react. She pushed him abruptly away. Slowly he rose from the floor and offered a hand to help Tonks up. Tonks stubbornly stayed lying on the floor on her back, crossing her arms across her chest.  
“What do you mean you can’t? You were happy to kiss me when the world was falling down on us!”  
“It's strange what fear will make foolish people do,” Remus said, withdrawing his hand he had offered for her.  
“Well it felt more like desire to me,” Tonks said angrily. Remus didn’t answer. He retrieved his wand and started to investigate the barn.

Tonks rose to sit on the floor, watching Remus. She was feeling sour. Empty. Few minutes ago she had feared for their lives, then for a moment she had been the happiest witch on Earth and now Remus had punched her right in the gut.  
She sighed and stood up. She was feeling nauseous. It was hard to determine was it because of the dark magic that had been thrown around or was it because of Remus’ rejection. Maybe both.  
You are on a duty, you bloody blockheads! Mad-Eye would yell, if his magical eye would have been witnessing this. She donned her professional auror face and pushed the bitter thoughts and the sick feeling aside. She had work to do. She tiptoed to the door, where the hexes had been shot at them. It didn’t surprise her that the door was locked. She didn’t even bother to try alohomora to open it, as they were Death Eaters the door was definitely sealed with dark magic. 

“Do you reckon they know we survived? Given that the door is locked?” She asked Remus, doing a marvelous job keeping her voice steady and professional. He came next to her, feeling the door with his wand. Tonks couldn’t help but to wonder did he stand too close to or too far away from her.  
Focus, you bloody blockhead.  
They were on a mission. She needed her wits, she needed her focus, she needed her awareness. They were still in severe danger. She needed to pull herself together. The rejection was churning her and it was dangerous.

Remus tried alohomora, in vain. Tonks barely could resist the urge to roll her eyes. She would’ve expected a better call from a former professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts. But maybe Remus’ mind is still lingering on the kiss.  
“Hard to say, maybe they wanted to prevent someone entrance,” Remus finally answered, jerking her from her thoughts.  
Focus.  
She watched Remus press his ear against the door and listen. After a while he detached from the door and shrugged.  
“Nothing.”  
“We should blast our way out of here and apparate immediately on the outside,” Tonks suggested. Remus didn’t seem to even stop to think about it before he shook his head.  
“It could be a trap. Or we could get followed.”  
“We could be good together.”  
It somehow escaped from Tonks’ lips. She meant to say something like “we have our safety protocols in case of being tracked”.  
“You are jeopardizing the mission, Tonks. Focus!”  
It was the authoritative voice Tonks had heard him use once and it had made her so heated she had had a wet daydream of sex with Remus in the middle of an important order meeting. But now he didn’t find it hot at all. On the contrary, she was disappointed and even angry that Remus had used the tone. 

“No, Remus, don’t you dare to try that voice with me,” she snapped and grabbed his cheeks between her hands. He grasped her wrists trying to jerk her grip away but she didn't let him.  
“You don’t even know me, I’m not a good man,” he said staring her dark eyes down, before he yielded and turned his eyes to the ground, continuing:  
“I don’t want to fall in love with you. I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings towards me.”  
And just like that Tonks’ heart broke into a thousand little pieces.

She wanted to accept it, turn around and never revisit the matter ever again. She detached her hands and stepped back. Even though her brain told her to let go and focus on getting out alive her heart didn't let her do that, not just yet.  
“So that kiss...you never felt this way...” she wasn’t able to finish her sentence as she felt dizzy and distracted. Her head was aching. Or was it her heart?  
Focus.  
“Tonks...That’s not what I meant. This is war, things are just complicated. I...” His voice drifted as he stopped and turned his eyes away from Tonks. Tonks stepped closer and debated in her head, did she dare to grab his hand or not. She did not. Instead she took her hands to her temples. Her head was really aching.  
"What were you saying?" She asked while she was rubbing her temples. She was sure she hadn't been imagining that there was something between them. She was certain Remus had felt it too, and for some reason he was escaping it. But it was escaping the barn she should’ve been thinking.  
"Remus, I --" she started but was interrupted as he placed his finger rudely against her lips. She felt anger building up inside her again. Tonks would have bitten his finger off if she had the energy. The thought escaped from Tonks' distracted mind as it looked like Remus was sniffing the air.  
Focus.  
Her own senses were still numb of all the reek of dark magic. She was still feeling nauseous.  
“Do you smell that?” Remus asked, whispering, lifting his finger from Tonks' lips. Tonks’ noticed he was starting to act alarmed again but she was somehow too slow and tired to react to it.  
"Tonks, we need to get out, seriously…"  
Did he just mention Sirius? She wondered, her head aching really badly. She wanted to ask, but the words stuck to her throat. Literally she started to cough.  
“It’s almost like...something burning. But there is no smoke,” Remus pondered, looking around like he was searching for something with his eyes. That finally made Tonks snap out of her trance. She realized there was probably something in the air. Something hidden. Like carbon monoxide. After all, Tonks was having almost all the possible symptoms of poisoning. For the ordinary human nose the gas was odourless. For a werewolf...well who knows.  
“We need to get out of here, no matter what there is waiting for us outside,” she splurged clinging on to Remus’ cloak’s front.  
"Confrigo us out of here, Merlin's balls Remus!"  
For a second Lupin was looking like he would object, but one look at her face made him realize she was on the verge of fainting. He took her hand in his and blasted their way out of the hovel.

**Author's Note:**

> Wicked Game cover by HIM
> 
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/5XenUjG7cRnTkUe8AVuuMX?si=ep0gLRnKTSa7IZzNe7PMHg)  
> [AZLyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/him/wickedgame.html)


End file.
